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Communicating with Your Domina

This is the most important section of the wiki. The better you talk to your Domina, the better the sessions you get. The Domina is written, she is patient, and she remembers more than you might expect, but she also has clear limits on what she can do. Understanding them is the difference between a flat session and a great one.

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The five rules of talking to your Domina

  1. Write to her like a person, not a prompt. She is tuned for natural language. You do not need stage directions or asterisks.
  2. Tell her what you want, not just what's happening. "I'd like something stricter tonight" lands better than "okay" after she proposes.
  3. Be specific about your state. Tired, eager, distracted, nervous - she factors it in if you say so.
  4. Use the inventory. If you bought a new toy, add it. If something broke, remove it. She only proposes items you have.
  5. Don't fight the medium. She will not reply as if a live two-way physical conversation is happening. Lean into the written-directive format and the sessions get sharper.

A worked example

Less effective

ok

More effective

I have about 30 minutes tonight, energy is medium, I'd like something on the stern side. Skip the body worship tonight, focus on edging.

The second message gives her duration, energy, tone, and a specific content steer. The session plan she produces will be visibly tighter because of it.

When she does not understand

If a directive lands wrong - too soft, too strict, off topic - tell her. A clean "this is the wrong direction tonight" resets the next message. You do not have to use the safe word for small course corrections; the safe word is reserved for ending the scene.